Duct Tape Parenting

August 27, 2012
Mother of five and professional parenting educator Hoefle shares the secrets to her success in dealing with typical behavioral problems in this hard-to-put-down, Adlerian Psychology-based parenting manual. She claims her method will improve relationships and create independent, thoughtful, resilient, and, of course, well-behaved children. But how to accomplish this feat? Stay calm, say nothing, have "radical faith" in your children. In other words, the titular duct tape is for the parents, not the kids. Calling attention to problematic behavior, Hoefle says, makes a harmless weed grow into something much worse: a long-term attention-getting scheme, or a deep-seated personality trait. As long as it's not a dangerous behavior or situation, Hoefle suggests that parents ignore it. When siblings fight, when a child is caught stealing, or when kids stall and slow down the morning, sit back and see what happens when you say nothing at all. Hoefle's strategy, which is an extreme form of natural consequences parenting, may seem irresponsible to some, but it clearly comes from the heart and is full of helpful tips even for those who find themselves in disagreement with the book's main assertion. And perhaps the proof is in the puddingâHoefle did survive five kids, sanity intact.

April 29, 2013
Vicki Hoefle delivers a useful guide that looks to nurture strong and meaningful relationships between parents and children via the principles of respect, responsibility, and resilience. At its core, Hoefle’s emphasis is on silencing the parents (via duct tape) to hear and better respond to what is communicated by their children. Hoefle narrates this audio edition with mixed results. Her tone conveys an understanding of the challenges facing parents as well as the importance of doing what is right for children. However, her performance at times falters, with overly long pauses and a lilting delivery. And while this works to make the narration more conversational, it also feels disruptive to the listening experience. A Bibliomotion paperback.

August 1, 2013

Speaker, facilitator, and parent educator Hoefle suggests that if parents want to raise respectful and responsible kids, they should step back and stop micromanaging. How? With duct tape, naturally, for the parents. Hoefle argues that by paying attention to problem behaviors, such as disorganization, chaotic mornings, uncompleted work, and sibling arguments, parents actually encourage these behaviors, much like "fertilizing a weed." By taping your mouth shut and not jumping in to rescue kids from conflict, the problems are likely to resolve themselves. As a result, children will learn by natural consequences, an approach that will allow parents to focus on relationship building instead of the ongoing annoyances that are part and parcel of raising youngsters. VERDICT Open enrollment in the school of "hard knocks" is a challenging idea for many parents, but it is an effective teacher nonetheless. Hoefle sounds like an infomercial at times, but her conjecture that a misbehaving child is a discouraged child carries the weight of truth. By letting kids work out their own kinks, parents will have more time in the long run to enjoy their children and the parenting journey.

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